but i do love you.

im sighing.
i've let out a happy- relieve sigh.
i've finish reading remember me?
kinsella's remember me? is a good read. it got me smiling, giggling half way through and fantasizing. haha. i gave it two thumbs up. if i had three arms i'd give up the third thumb. but i dont. because then i'll be all cacat and alien. haha.

im in a good mood. not just because its wednesday. not just because its windy outside. and not just because i decided to have the afternoon to myself finishing up on kinsella's instead of going mad at malls with my girls since its the last day of mega sale and all. there's something else and it had kept me smiling all afternoon. beats new handbags and shoes (tho i really want 1 of those). its him. yeah, u probably be going "ah, balak dia lagi" or "jiwang nak mampos". i simply dont care. one thing about me is i dont care what people think. not that i dont give a thought at all at what people might say or react or think of me. its just that im not gonna change who am i so others can be comfortable, so that i appear as who they want to see. this is me. this is who i am. take it or leave it.

in kinsella's remember me, its about a 28 year old having amnesia. not remembering who was she married to or whether she's married. she have absolutely no memory of this stranger-- her husband. but the memory of the salty air and having each other way couple of years back that trigger her memory back. but the memory was not shared with his husband, but was with her secret love. well, you have to read it to know the rest.

i know people been bugged with couples keep saying "i love you" the whole time. some might use as a reason for a break up, "im sick of you keep saying i love you like it doesnt mean anything, like its cheap and you can say whenever u feel like it". actually to tell you the truth im bugged by it too. sometimes, i love you can be a turn off. like saying something at a wrong time. because i love you is the last thing you want to hear.
when's the good time to say it? ask tipsgoda. im no love doctor. =)

en faisal is one of the guys with trucksloads of i love you. sometimes i do feel like pinching him hard for the i love you's. but sometimes that's what makes me feel like i belong. he keep saying that he loves me like i'll die the next day and never have the chance the say those words to me again. as if in couple of moments i might be abducted by aliens and all he wants me to know is that he loves me. i'd be lying if it doesnt bug me even once. he'll say he loves me once before he ends the call. i'll get more than once if he misses me more. haha. if he cant say it out loud, he'll just whisper it or say 143, but once he mistakenly said 132 to me. which means nothing but numbers. it still gives me a hard laugh everytime i remember it.haha. and sometimes if im out of his reach nor near him, he'll do this thing with lips saying 'i love you'. but usually i dont have my glasses on and i cant figure out what he's trying to tell me. i'll be screaming like, "ape dia?!" haha.

when probably one third of the world are already sick with i love you's, im glad, no, im so so grateful that at least someone would want to say those 3 words to me. i dont care if it make me all sick-y and puke-y, i'll accept it with all my heart even if i dont need 1 at that time. if it pisses me off, i can be mad and merajuk and all. its that simple. haha. but imagine this, what if one day u had amnesia and those i love you's trigger your memory back? it could happen u know. ok, im imagining too much. but if i do lose my memory i know i dont want the part of his i love you's to be missing. heeee... (wide smile)


p/s: added up a new tag! "him" =)

izzy tagged.

I tag:

1. ira besa
2. anis
3. huda
4. zetty
5. iman
6. helwa
7. wanie
8. sajeed
9. raihana

How do you know 1?
# since she was born.

What would you do if you never met 2?
# i'll survive. hahaha. abes la cucu kesayangan atok. haha

What would you do if 3 & 4 dated you?
# fun, fun, fun, amek2 gamba sume.. haha

Would 5 & 6 make a good couple?
# no!

Do you think 7 is attractive?
# yes! she's cute. :)

Do you know anything about 8’s family?
# yes. our parents practically knew each other.

Tell me something about 9.
# an old schoolmate.

What language does 2 speak?
# rojak. haha

Who is 3 going out with?
# jason mraz? haha

How old is 4?
# 21 going on 22 this march.

5?
# she'll be 23 by october 09

Who is 6 favourite singer?
# not sure.

7?
# nope. not sure either hehe.

Is 8 single?
# enganged! jelesnye! hehe

What is 9 last name?
# raihana binti ape ek? hehe

Would you consider being in a relationship with 1?
# we're already bonded by blood. relationshp pe lg? haha

What are you talking about?
# not talking im humming.

Which school does 2 go to?'
# smk seksyen 19 shah alam.

What do you like about 3?
# cute smile, energetic like an energizer bunny. haha

love story

love story- taylor swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I’m standing there, on a balcony in summer air

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know…

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”
And I was cryin' on the staircase
Beggin' you please don’t go
And I said…

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story, baby, just say 'yes'"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet, 'cause we’re dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Let's leave this town for a little while,
Oh, oh

Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said “stay away from Juliet”
But you were everything to me
I was beggin' you, please don’t go…
And I said

"Romeo take me somewhere, we can be alone
I’ll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love story, baby, just say 'yes'

Romeo save me, they’re trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it’s real
Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess
It’s a love story, baby, just say 'yes'"
Oh, oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you in the outskirts of town
And I said

"Romeo save me, I’ve been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don’t know what to think"
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
and said

"Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone
I love you, and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, baby just say 'yes'"
Oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

tag

#1 describe 10 things about the person who tagged you. (ika)

1.menyukai semua benda yang berwarna merah.
2.sangat meminati serta ingin memiliki psp merah.
3.juga mengidamkan kereta yang berwarna merah.
4.kerang dan otak-otak kempas antara makanan kegemarannya.
5.menu wajib semasa minum petang adalah teh ais.hehe
6.sangat suka mengumpul kasut walaupun tidak mungkin akan memakai kesemua kasutnya.(jgn marah..hehe)
7.kakinya sangat comel.hehe
8.kakak kesayangan adik-adiknya.
9.berjiwa kreatif.
10.akhir sekali,orgnya sgt cool.. =)

#02 - Now u have to describe 10 things about urself.

1.setia pada yang satu..hehe2.kadang2 tidak sabar serta terburu-buru.
3.kadang2 teragak-agak dalam membuat keputusan.
4.sedikit berisi..haha
5.cepat blur kadang2 terutamanya bila perut sudah penuh..haha
6.seorang yang pemalu..
7.meminati musik terutamanya aliran seni tanah air kita.
8.tidak banyak bercakap kerana sifat rendah diri yang tinggi dalam diri ini..haha
9.berminat dalam structural engineering tetapi termasuk ke dalam bidang lain.
10.berharap agar kehidupan ini akan disinari dgn rahmat Ilahi di dunia serta akhirat.

8monthsary

have i found you,
flightless bird,
jealous
weeping
or lost you?
american mouth
big pill looming

i first recognize the song from the last scene on twilight. a perfect song to end the story. the song completed the movie. =) im not a big fan of the fiction but the flightless bird american mouth caught my attention to the twilight soundtracks. the song is pretty solid, it can do well without the movie. its such a sweet song, makes you want to fall in love all over again. haha.

cudn find the dance scene image, anyho this is other one fave scene. heee

remember the scene in twilight where this song is playing in the background? =)
edward and bella were dancing to the song at prom. edward lifted bella with his right arm and rested bella (she was injured--and dont know how to dance) on his feet. and then they were so close, so attached. =) ok that's enough.

in a few minutes, marks the day that we have shared the days together for 8months now. and im dedicating this song to my one and only. my reason to fall in love all over again. i love you. happy 8monthsary and congrats on the dean's list.




yours for now and always,
your girl. ♥

not active.

hey peeps.
i just wanted to inform that i am no longer on friendster, myspace or facebook. i decided to delete them all and focus on my blog. but you guys can still reach me through my boyfriend's account. i was having problem managing all of them and they distracted me. i was also feeling there were too much dramas that i've decided to step back. dunia maya yang penuh kepura-puraan. haha.

anyway this give me more time to sketch-skill nonsense and read. or finally this blog will be frequently updated! yay! haha. plus focusing on one thing ensure a greater product kan? =) i can be reached through ym or sms. and this blog of course.

i know its going to be hard to keep in touch with old schoolmates, and new. but please, please dont forget me! its a loss if you dont invite me to weddings. haha.

cya. loveya.



p/s: selamat pengantin baru buat cik aishah dan suami. and thanks for the A. hehe. sori tak dpt dtg, dorg sume takmo pegi. hehe

new year wishes.

thanx rai for the new year wish. thanks for remembering mate. :)

tag

#1 describe 10 things about the person who tagged you. (iman)

1. an ipod person. and because of that her uni friends started calling her ihayat.
2. she's driving a black gen2.
   
3. she's a gadget-techy girl. she got most the gadgets as soon as they hit the stores.
4. her second home is starbucks. she spends most of her time there. i believe that there 1/3 of caffeine running through her veins.
5. she plays the guitar
   
6. she have a huge crush on dave grohl.
7. she is the only person i can talk to about star wars other than irfan.
8. i think she is overly obsess abt the monkey
9. she loves, loves shoes, flip flop, footwear!
10. she used to loves the color of orange. but i dont know if she still does.
    

#02 - Now u have to describe 10 things about urself.

01 im 21 but i dont feel like im 21. i still thinks im 18. haha. and i keep telling ppl and it really annoys them. it cud happen u know, 18 stuck in a body of a 21. haha.

02 as plain and boring and simple i may look on the outside. im actually a very complicated person. i find it hard making decisions, and i can easily come into stupid conclusions. and 21 years of living, i still dont know what i want and what im waiting for.

03 i so love red. most of the things i own is in red. red pail, red sponge, red bedspread, red watch, red undies....

04 i suck at managing money. though im not really a big spender, somehow i got broke and i dont how it happened.

05 my sisters says im sengal, sakit, funny, pelik kuat makan, kuat tido, hmm.. maybe i was adopted. haha

06 i like most things out of the ordinary.

07 i like to read. when i wanted to, not when forced. for instance, forced to read for the exams. haha.

08 I do not entertain strangers. especially online strangers. unfriendly, arrogant, yeah u may judge me by first impression but its a loss not knowing me. because im the opposite of your first impression.

09 i love art, i enjoy art. though i suck at drawing and sketching. but i think im pretty good with colors. i enjoy the surprise i get when mixing different colors together.

10 im someone's girlfriend. but ppl already knew that. its obvious. haha

#03 - At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names..

1. my pessa =)
2. kak bai
3. izzy
4. huda
5. rai
6. helwa
7. anis
8. ira besa
9. ira kecik
10. zetty
    

tagged again by anis

• Sertakan tiga keping gambar anda yang anda rasa paling seksi.
  
• Tak semestinya tak berpakaian atau mendedahkan, mungkin anda rasa senyuman anda masa itu adalah seksi, sertakan!
  
• Nyatakan kenapa gambar itu begitu seksi di mata anda?
  
• Tag 5 orang yang seksi.

ntah la. mls nak cari gamba. sy syg kaki saya. kaki saya seksi dan mengiurkan. hahahaha

5 orang yang kunun nye seksi. sile buat.

1. en faisal
   
2. izzy
   
3. huda
   
4. whoever
   
5. whoever
   

clueless.

my friends think i dont spend much time with them, and so are the poeple i love. im sorry for not staying back and lepak with you guys. im the boring gene in the family. i dont know how to have fun. or lay back and relax. blood pumps in high pressure in my veins. i keep panicking and i dont how to stop. i can get too focused and nothing can distract me. i dont know how too loosen up. i can get too high on life and hopes and suddenly i just have no interest in whatever im doing anymore. i can be a good listener sometimes but sometimes i just pretend that im listening. im 21 but already im feeling like im 42. how much i love being pampered and spoiled and loved but i just have to grow up and be mature. i hate being left alone but sometimes i need time for myself. to just stop and rewind. the world does not revolves around you, i keep telling myself.

im sorry for being a fun-sucker, back-stabber, lembik, too organized, can-make-up-her-mind friend, problematic/destructable girlfriend. *sigh* i just want you guys to know that i love spending time with you guys, its just sometimes.. i felt guilty. for having fun, ignoring all the problem even for one second. when people close to me are handling it by themselves. i feel like i should be there when i am needed the most. i feel guilty when im happy and laughing my heart out, but there are people who cant experience it like i did. i get panick easily. even when things went a bit off track. im a crybaby. i admit that. though ppl wont agree with that. yes, i cry a lot. sometimes its hard for me just to shut my eyes at night that i have to cry myself to sleep. sometimes i think to myself i dont deserve it all, sometimes i ask myself why must it turned out this way?




there are 263 stars tonight. and counting.



im so so so so sorry.
and i dont know what im apologizing for.

sungai lurus.

this happened 3 weeks back, but only now im having it recorded. =) ika ada gap seminggu untuk paper seterusnya, encik faisal pula belum pernah sampai ke sungai lurus. this is my third time, plus i was craving for sambal kerang and the view of the ocean. =) tak tahu kenapa orang panggil tempat tu sungai lurus, padahal yang ada cuma lah laut. mungkin sebab name kampung yang terpaksa dilalui untuk sampai ke laut ni.

simply breath-taking. subhanallah.

en faisal pose for an album cover. =P

its a bit tricky to get there. we drove down the road of parit karjo and reached senggarang. which is about half an hour drive. at the sides of the road to senggarang are houses of the villagers, and you can see cows! lots of 'em! jakon jadinya. once, i get the experienced of watching few villagers battle spinning tops (gasing) which we dont see everyday. the closest i'd come to actually touch a gasing was my late tokyah's. tokyah showed me some of his moves. and i got a few skill up my sleeves. =) im not sure if tokmak still keep it or probably its been eaten by termites.

anyway, the tricky part is finding kampung sungai lurus. lautnya pulak ada di hujung kampung. pintu gerbang kampungnya susah nak perasan. asyik terlepas pandang je dan kena buat u-turn. but the view- is to die for! not to mention the sambal kerang. hingga menjilat jari. hehe. next time, i'll bring my family there. atok and nenek would love it.

yummeh!

deeper conversation

deeper conversation- yuna

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

exhausted.

masuk hari ni dah 4 hari ibu berkursus, leaving me in charge of house chores and babysit my two lovely but annoying sisters. up till today i realized i havent been doing a good job in 'replacing' ibu for 8 days. masak pun main belasah je dan ikut mood. memasak bukan satu skill yang ika boleh banggakan. but adik and ira have been supportive, ibu pun supportive juga dengan suruh masak. well, ayah is not the kind of guy with words. tapi membisu tu maknanye sedap kot! haha. ibu sekarang sibuk dengan kerja-kerja sekolah, tak sangka juga jadi cikgu sekolah adalah kerja yang berat. ika perasan juga kerja dengan government ni banyak paperwork. banyak sangat! ibu asyik occupied dengan kerja macam tuh. nak kata improvement terhadap education malaysia tu takde nampak sangat pun impak nya. universiti malaysia bukan dalam senarai 100 universiti di dunia. what's that? "cakap tak serupa bikin". pengajaran untuk diri, jangan kerja dengan government, kerja banyak, gaji sikit. haha!

anyway, ika cuma nak cakap, only now i've realized its not easy being a mom. a working mom. by the time ibu baca ni dia mesti cakap "tau pun." haha. works at school pilling up, never ending house chores, dealing with teenage daughters, husband yang mengada-ngada. and barely have time for yourself. just look at me for the past 4 days, im not yet married but already im feeling the tense of having a family. cleaning up the house, garbage, laundry, preparing meals and not to forget dealing with emotions. i appreciate moms all over the world! you guys are the real super woman! (happy tears). here's why:

1. ibu-ibu mengandung untuk 9 bulan, 24/7 bawa beban kat perut ke hulu hilir. 28 jam berperang dalam operation room untuk bersalin .
2. baru kemas rumah kejap, dah bersepah balik. husband balik office, stokin campak je tepi sofa. mainan kat stor yang baru kemas tadi pun dah dikeluarkan.
3. meals kena prepare on time, kena ingat pulak kesukaan lauk orang- orang dalam rumah. panggil lunch dengan muka happy dan semangat.
4. laundry. the hard part. baju sekolah memang kotor hari- hari. kene asingkan, kene rendam, kena sental, folding, ironing, organize almari baju masing-masing. "ma, mane stokin adik?". not to forget, mencari baju yang menghilang secara misteri.
5. work. dealing with bosses, datelines, peers. oh my god! the stress. dont you just want to set the office in fire??
6. husband (baby tua).
   
7. and you have to deal with teenagers. i once experienced my pre-teen years. and it was not easy. i felt like the whole world was against me. mothers have to lend their ears and listen to their precious baby's problem. not to mention omelan si suami tiap- tiap hari balik kerja. tapi mothers mengadu kat siapa? nenek?
8. when the chores wasnt enough, mothers have to deal with debts. bills, bills, taxes. rushing to make the payments in time.
9. fear of what the children will become in the future. cukup ke duet ni? betul ke didikan ni? jadi orang berguna ke nanti?
   
10. completely forget herself. berat dah bertambah, out of shape, muke dah berkedut, nak pergi spa, buat facial pun dah takde masa. trend baju semua out-of-date. hantar dan jemput anak dengan taekwondo nye la, soccer practice la, tuition la.
11. husband decide the love spark isnt there anymore. move to isteri no.2
12. doctor discover cancer has spreaded. husband busy dengan isteri no. 2, chores dan anak- anak kene fikir. cancer tolak tepi. jangan fikir.
    

okay. maybe i've watched too many movies. no 11, 12 tu melebih- lebih. hehe. but what im trying to say is we dont appreciate moms too often. we are too caught up with ourselves. but moms dont. it is always other people first then her. "the world does not revolves around you". i keep telling myself when i dont get what i wanted. "dan ada sebab kenape kita tak dapat ape yang kita nak. mungkin Dia nak kita berusaha lagi. mungkin juga selama ni kita lupa Dia, nak kita ingat2 kat Dia. Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya". A lesson i learned from ibu. thanks ibu. =)



p/s: she's my super woman. :) moga dijauhkan ika dari no 11 dan 12 dan masalah2 lain dan dianugerahkan keluarga yang bahagia. amin. hehe. (still a long way to go la)


ini blog mak ngah saya dalam meniti hidup sebagai seorang isteri dan ibu. :) have a click!