Friday, May 15, 2015

nothing beats

Your hair all over the place. You eat while you pump out your breast and feeding him.

You starting to calculate time to cook and clean up all the food he throws on the floor. He's throwing tantrum and refuses any toys offered.

Oh, and you have not showered yet.

But nothing beats the look on his face at night when he is asleep, all tired from playing (torturing) with ummi. The face that just keep you calm and cant wait to see him in the morning.

Happy belated mother's day to me. 😘

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

life comes from me part 2

You chose this life/path.

That's what i've been getting since i have fattah. Is it wrong to say what's in my head? It's not everyday. Most weekdays it will only be me and fattah. On weekends i'll be putting on my happy-housewife face cause i'll be meeting my in laws or my parents. Can i get to talk to adults now?

I know it sounds like i'm whining but no want seems to understands what i have sacrificed, its a major turn around for me. From getting salary, getting out of the house, driving to being a mom. I dont get to go out like i used to. With fattah crying, making me feel like i'm a bad mother.

It just like nothing i do is good enough. I stayed at home, so i should get things done more. But i didn't because taking care of a baby took most of my time. I didnt even have enough time to do what i wanted to do-with ALL this free time people think i have now.

You know what? I have to calculate how many minutes i take for shower and brushing my teeth every morning.

I decided i'll stop talking about my baby blues, or blurt it. Whatever. When they have their own kids one day, they'll know.

I love my baby, my new life, so what if it doesnt go according to plan. Its my plan, my life. I just know there's something better for me. I just know. :)

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

life comes from me part 1

Okaaayyy fattah is asleep. Now it's time for me to solat, take my supplement and pump my breast to stimulate them to make more milk. I just HAVE to explain that. Haha. I've been thinking of reading before going to sleep since i still have loads from BBW, hubby strictly remind me to finish them before buying new books. Hmm, but i just got too tired from all day with fattah. Zzzz

Really. No kidding. Having a kid is mooooreee tiring than working. I know this because i used to have a job that is less- a bit less worse that an ER surgeon. Let me give you a low down.

My job start at 7.30am. Yes, you read it right, 7 frickin 30. The factory runs 24/7 so the engineers have to be on top of things. If we get in late few minutes, pay will be deducted. Factory world baby, each minute is like gold. No minute to waste. And i go back home at 7.30pm. We get to go back at 5.30pm, but we actually cant. Haha. Because mostly problem arises by 5.30pm. Hmm. Sometimes i go back home at 8pm. Everyday is like dat. Mostly at work, i dont usually sit at my desk, i went to production line, measure products, meetings, problem meetings, meeting clients, meeting supplier. Phew. That's why we all get free phones with paid bills. Easy to be dragged into problems. Sometimes i even forgot to pee, and when i do remember i almost cant hold it in.

Lunchtime was like heaven for us. The looong awaited break. We make full use of the 1 hour given. The only time we get to be sane. Then back to fighting fire- like my old boss always said.

When i get home, eat whatever i can, sometimes just drink milk, took a shower and sleep. We dont have cuti semester, cuti sekolah, cuti raya also have to negotiate. "who wants to save their leave and come back work early?" yelled my boss.

Sometimes, when you were sleeping at night, you get a phone call, "line down! Line down!" and you have to go the factory at 1am to settle the issue. Then at 7.30am you still have to clock in to work.

Few of my friends, first time mothers claimed "penat la jaga baby, lagi penat dari kerja". I feel you. Nothing beats my work schedule for the past 3 years than taking care of a baby. Go hug your mum or buy her something nice, because she has gone through with more than 1 baby. Kudos.

P/s: im typin while pumpin. Multitaskin'

Here's my baby. Photo-ed today.